I think one of the first things that crossed my mind when I understood I have a very serious cancer was all of the milestones I would miss in the kids lives. You can’t help but hurt about it a little bit.
Since then I’ve been telling myself that I should prepare for it. Get cards and write notes for the major life events that I will likely miss.
I’ve been putting it off for one reason or another but decided today was the day. I think mostly because I feel great today. I would rather do this on a day that I physically (and mentally) feel awesome than on a day where I feel like I’m squeezing it in because my health is failing. I’m sure I will have better things to say to their future selves when I’m feeling very much like I’m still in the game. And hopefully I will get to deliver as many of these in person as possible.
Even though I’m on top of my game today there is still a very weird feeling about buying cards for events that won’t happen for another 10 years or more. Hopefully MJ will remember to hold on to them. She’s not one to keep ANYTHING around so this may be quite a challenge for her.
I walked into the Hallmark store with my list of life events.
Birthdays, Graduations, Wedding, Baby.
Everything I could think of.
There were three extremely friendly and overly helpful older women working there. Not sure if they were bored or just really good at their jobs.
I didn’t want or need help. I was trying to avoid it actually but they kept checking in every few minutes. “Finding everything OK?” Ugh. Yes. Yes, I am.
I finally got all of my cards and dropped them on the counter for checkout.
The woman immediately made a comment about buying quite the stack of cards. I didn’t say anything right away but thought to myself, “It’s been awhile since I’ve made people feel awkward!” so I told her that I have cancer and was getting cards for my kids major life events. BAM. Silence.
Then she put her hand on mine and told me how sweet that was and blah blah something else. Anyway. I guess I would’ve expected them to see more people card shopping for future events but I guess not.
(BTW… In case you were curious- for cheaper cards for two kids major life events, it’ll run about $35.)
So now I have a bunch of cards to write and I have no idea what to say. I’m sure it’ll come to me as I sit down and think it out. But it’s weird. It’s weird writing to a kid that you know as a 12 year old who will be 18 or 21 or maybe even 28 by the time he reads it. Plus it just makes me think about what it’ll be like on their wedding day and I’m just sad. Right now part of me is so proud of myself to get this done and the other part of me is just bummed out. So much for being prepared.