It’s been awhile since I’ve shared so here’s what’s going on:
Which is probably the best news possible!
Since my last update I took a trip and was totally fine for it.
One I got home I right away had a procedure called a liver cryo ablation. It’s where they stick super cold balls over the tumors in my liver and freeze them. It’s so cold that the tumors die pretty much right away. I did wake up with an unexpected chest tube, but they checked me the following day and sent me home. All seemed to go well and they blasted the remaining 3 tumors in my liver. Yay!
Once I was home a couple of weeks I still didn’t feel well and was having a very hard time breathing. It hurt to take a full breath and that’s if I could even get one. I ended up in the ER and they found fluid on my lung. Not IN my lungs but in the pleura around my lungs. I had what’s called pleural effusion.
They ended up sticking a big needle in my back to drain it. After the first liter they switched out bottles and set that one in front of me. A liter?!?!! Out of my lung?!?? And they got another almost 1/2 after that. It was weird. And warm.
After sending me home that night I had to be rechecked the following day. The fluid has returned and I had to check into the hospital to have another chest tube placed. Not my favorite thing in the world.
So apparently during the cryo procedure, they had to move my lung out of the way and it didn’t like that. So it start building fluid.
While I was in the hospital the drained another 2 1/2 liters over 5 days.
Since I’ve been home I’ve been OK. There’s tumor growth again so I had to start a new chemo regimen. It’s one I’ve already been on but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m quite frustrated these tumors are so pesky.
Part of what I really need to do now is get my diet on track. It’s the only thing I can really take control of but it’s the hardest. I have a really hard time staying away from sugar and that’s probably the worst thing I can eat right now. I need to develop some kind of strategy but I have no idea what. Every time I try I wind up doing a secret 7-11 chocolate bar/donut run. It just needs to stop.
I still have a little bit of pain in my lung which makes it hard to get out to do some walking. I’ve been moving through it, but I’m certainly not motivated to get out all the time. Luckily my sweet doggy gives me those big eyes. She can get me up and out for sure!
I think one of the first things that crossed my mind when I understood I have a very serious cancer was all of the milestones I would miss in the kids lives. You can’t help but hurt about it a little bit.
Since then I’ve been telling myself that I should prepare for it. Get cards and write notes for the major life events that I will likely miss.
I’ve been putting it off for one reason or another but decided today was the day. I think mostly because I feel great today. I would rather do this on a day that I physically (and mentally) feel awesome than on a day where I feel like I’m squeezing it in because my health is failing. I’m sure I will have better things to say to their future selves when I’m feeling very much like I’m still in the game. And hopefully I will get to deliver as many of these in person as possible.
Even though I’m on top of my game today there is still a very weird feeling about buying cards for events that won’t happen for another 10 years or more. Hopefully MJ will remember to hold on to them. She’s not one to keep ANYTHING around so this may be quite a challenge for her.
I walked into the Hallmark store with my list of life events.
Birthdays, Graduations, Wedding, Baby.
Everything I could think of.
There were three extremely friendly and overly helpful older women working there. Not sure if they were bored or just really good at their jobs.
I didn’t want or need help. I was trying to avoid it actually but they kept checking in every few minutes. “Finding everything OK?” Ugh. Yes. Yes, I am.
I finally got all of my cards and dropped them on the counter for checkout.
The woman immediately made a comment about buying quite the stack of cards. I didn’t say anything right away but thought to myself, “It’s been awhile since I’ve made people feel awkward!” so I told her that I have cancer and was getting cards for my kids major life events. BAM. Silence.
Then she put her hand on mine and told me how sweet that was and blah blah something else. Anyway. I guess I would’ve expected them to see more people card shopping for future events but I guess not.
(BTW… In case you were curious- for cheaper cards for two kids major life events, it’ll run about $35.)
So now I have a bunch of cards to write and I have no idea what to say. I’m sure it’ll come to me as I sit down and think it out. But it’s weird. It’s weird writing to a kid that you know as a 12 year old who will be 18 or 21 or maybe even 28 by the time he reads it. Plus it just makes me think about what it’ll be like on their wedding day and I’m just sad. Right now part of me is so proud of myself to get this done and the other part of me is just bummed out. So much for being prepared.