How are you doing?

scaredshitless

Can I just say that?  Are there words that properly describe that picture in an appropriate answer to “How are you doing?”

I know, I know…  It’s a common question and people mean well by asking it, but when you’re in a shell-shock space those kind of questions kinda get me sometimes.  I guess it depends on the mood I’m in that very second since my mood seems to change about every 8.3 minutes.  There’s just so much to process.

Thank you for all the phone calls, texts, video chats, visits and everything else you are all doing to help.  Seriously, it means the world to me (and MJ) right now.  I feel like where we were back at the beginning when I was first diagnosed.  Except with less options.  And maybe a little less hope.  Sounds depressing doesn’t it?  Only if I let.  And I’m not yet.

I have my second opinion tomorrow morning which is likely why I am up at 1:52am.  I have no idea what will be thrown at us.  Hopefully it will be some good news but to be honest I don’t think it will be.  She is a friend of my oncologist, is the same age and has the same experience he has.  I feel like the inexperience is what’s put me in this place.  I do have the name of a guy at UCSD that I really want to see and seems to have the expertise I need.  I will be bringing his info along and will request to see him if all doesn’t go well.  I’m also looking into all the recommendations that are pouring in from all of you.  Thank you all so much!  It’s great to feel like there could be so many options out there to try.

But back to that question.  How am I doing?
I’m doing OK.  I really am.  Of course the news was a punch in the gut and a lot to take in.  We have doctors to find and decisions to make and things are going to be nutty for awhile.  I’m not going to lie, I’m not looking forward to it.  I had just gotten myself to a place where I was back to a routine and looking forward to an uneventful time of enjoying my family while I got healthier.  Now things will be far from any routine and a roller coaster of emotions.  The only thing I can do at this point is buckle in and hope for the smoothest ride possible.  But all things considered?  I’m OK.
Ask me again tomorrow or in 8.3 minutes and well see 😀

It_s_Gonna_Be_Ok

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One thought on “How are you doing?

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