Movin on

Not gonna lie, it was a tough week.  The news hit me harder than I would’ve expected.
Truth is, I got cocky.

I was feeling good and the last scan was so good I really thought things were going in the right direction.  What I learned in the last couple of months is that even with a terminal illness I took time for granted.  I got comfortable that I would have more time.  Truth is, none of us really do.  We really need to appreciate each and every day.  I may only have a year left, but you might too.  Things happen.  So let’s stop taking advantage of our time, enjoy it and make each day count.  I know, easy said than done, but it is possible.

So that’s mostly what I’ve been beating myself up over.  And now I’m moving on.

I’ve accepted the new chemo regimen and am dealing with it.  The first day I was just kinda out of it.  Second day tired.  Yesterday my stomach started hurting and I got weird random chest pains.  My onc got me in for an X-Ray.  Didn’t hear back so I’m assuming everything is OK.  Than last night I started puking.  Today my body doesn’t know what it wants to do.  I feel like I’m coming down with something and then I get nauseous again. Hopefully I will get used to these drugs and won’t have to go through this business every 2 weeks.

This whole week was a good reminder to me that this is a journey.  I have an incurable disease.  As much as I would like it to go away, it’s not.  It will return.  I may be able to fight it off for along time, but until there’s a “cure” I will have to be on this path.  Like it or not.  So I may as well get used to that and enjoy the path as much as I can.  Even when it’s covered with thistles, thorns and spiders.  I hate spiders.  Thank you for joining me on this path and helping me squash spiders when I need to and enjoying the clearing when it’s there.  We have a long way to go, so let’s make the most of it.

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