I’m back!!!

I have been down, sick and miserable for about a month now.
It’s been weird.  Supposedly I’m getting better but started feeling worse.
I’ve been sluggish, weak, cold and depressed.  My nose keeps getting so chapped that it bleeds.  My face is so dry it’s cracking and I have mouth sores that make eating difficult.
I think the biggest factor was my hemoglobin levels.  I’ve been anemic for awhile but my levels dropped very low in the last month.  They’ve been keeping an eye on it but it wasn’t until the beginning of this week when I dropped to 7 that they decided I needed a transfusion.

I was kinda freaked out about getting it at first.  It’s just strange to think that someone else’s blood will be mixing in with your own.  I’ve heard stories about people getting heart transplants that all of a sudden have ou-of-the-blue cravings for food they never liked or started watching sports all of a sudden.  I was kinda worried about having some bizarre experience like that.  But more importantly I just wanted to start feeling better. So there was no doubt about going through with it.

I had the transfusion on Tuesday and was hoping I’d start feeling better right away.  I didn’t get much sleep the night before and they gave me Benadryl so I ended up just being tired and sluggish.
I caught up on my sleep that night so I thought Wednesday would be better.  It wasn’t.  I was still weak and tired.  It took everything I had to go with MJ to Sprouts to pick up a few groceries.  I carried the basket and it felt like a 100lb weight.
Looking forward to Thursday I woke up and still wasn’t any better.  I cried quite a bit.  I figured the hemoglobin must not have been the problem and was worried what the next step was going to have to be.  I didn’t go to my support group that day and that’s a big thing for me.  I love going to group and when I couldn’t muster the strength to go it scared me.  You can’t help but wonder “is this the turning point?”  Is this where I start to be very sick?  But it just didn’t make sense since almost all of my tumors are gone.

And today was a new day.
Today I opened my eyes and felt like getting out of bed.  I don’t know if there are words to describe the kind of relief I’m feeling.  Mentally and physically.  It’s like that feeling you have driving on a sunny day, window rolled down, favorite song on the radio, and you fly your hand through the air as you move along down the road without a care in the world.

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That’s today for me.

It’s such a helpless feeling when you’re that down and so amazing to be free from it!
All the little tasks that became major chores I can do today without struggle.  It’s like someone untied me.

MJ has been a trooper trying to keep my strength and spirits up.  And she’s been beyond a sport picking up my slack.  I can’t thank her enough for that.  Go ahead and tell her how awesome she is because she deserves it.

I’m hoping this isn’t a fluke and will last now.  I feel like walking around.  I even feel like getting to the gym to swim some laps!
I’ll let you know how that goes.

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2 thoughts on “I’m back!!!

  1. You ARE awesome, Mary Jo….like we always knew you are and were!
    YOU are awesome too, Heather. You inspire us everyday as does Mary Jo. You are so blessed to have each other in your lives as well as the Holy Spirit (she). We love you both.

  2. Heather! I just caught up on your blogs. I had about ten saved and lined up in my e-mail. This has been such a great way to “share” in your journey. I hope your latest states fo feeling better continue. Although at quite an unfortunate distance, While reading your words I am able to cheer for you, ponder, analyze, laugh and cry with you while also taking a peak into that incredible mind of yours. Would we all have rather gone on without knowing that you are such a talented writer and the deepest of thinkers…Yes! Fuck yes! I don’t want to watch anyone sturuggle with the beast, and especially not a loved one. But again, I Thank you for the gift of Blog, and thank you for being a kind and conciensious Kanser Shirpa… guiding us with you through your journey.

    Thank you Mary Jo! I can’t imagine your side of the journey. To observe, guide, and Love while I’m sure weathering times of sadness with a brave face for the whole family. Please know how greatful we are for the strength determination and courage you have demonstrated. I am lookng forward to big hugs from both of you during your February visit. Love ya.

    Heather I love you! the next time you have one of the good days driving with the windows down, music blaring and hand floating in the wind….stop at a pet adoption center and pick up a load of dogs for the ride to provide flapping cheeks, smiling faces, floppng ears and wagging tails to complete this “great moments in life” picture. I only suggest dogs, because automobiles have not yet evolved to the point where they are good enough for cats. Love ya. Scott

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