I have been down, sick and miserable for about a month now.
It’s been weird. Supposedly I’m getting better but started feeling worse.
I’ve been sluggish, weak, cold and depressed. My nose keeps getting so chapped that it bleeds. My face is so dry it’s cracking and I have mouth sores that make eating difficult.
I think the biggest factor was my hemoglobin levels. I’ve been anemic for awhile but my levels dropped very low in the last month. They’ve been keeping an eye on it but it wasn’t until the beginning of this week when I dropped to 7 that they decided I needed a transfusion.
I was kinda freaked out about getting it at first. It’s just strange to think that someone else’s blood will be mixing in with your own. I’ve heard stories about people getting heart transplants that all of a sudden have ou-of-the-blue cravings for food they never liked or started watching sports all of a sudden. I was kinda worried about having some bizarre experience like that. But more importantly I just wanted to start feeling better. So there was no doubt about going through with it.
I had the transfusion on Tuesday and was hoping I’d start feeling better right away. I didn’t get much sleep the night before and they gave me Benadryl so I ended up just being tired and sluggish.
I caught up on my sleep that night so I thought Wednesday would be better. It wasn’t. I was still weak and tired. It took everything I had to go with MJ to Sprouts to pick up a few groceries. I carried the basket and it felt like a 100lb weight.
Looking forward to Thursday I woke up and still wasn’t any better. I cried quite a bit. I figured the hemoglobin must not have been the problem and was worried what the next step was going to have to be. I didn’t go to my support group that day and that’s a big thing for me. I love going to group and when I couldn’t muster the strength to go it scared me. You can’t help but wonder “is this the turning point?” Is this where I start to be very sick? But it just didn’t make sense since almost all of my tumors are gone.
And today was a new day.
Today I opened my eyes and felt like getting out of bed. I don’t know if there are words to describe the kind of relief I’m feeling. Mentally and physically. It’s like that feeling you have driving on a sunny day, window rolled down, favorite song on the radio, and you fly your hand through the air as you move along down the road without a care in the world.
That’s today for me.
It’s such a helpless feeling when you’re that down and so amazing to be free from it!
All the little tasks that became major chores I can do today without struggle. It’s like someone untied me.
MJ has been a trooper trying to keep my strength and spirits up. And she’s been beyond a sport picking up my slack. I can’t thank her enough for that. Go ahead and tell her how awesome she is because she deserves it.
I’m hoping this isn’t a fluke and will last now. I feel like walking around. I even feel like getting to the gym to swim some laps!
I’ll let you know how that goes.