Where does the time go?

So it’s been a couple of months.  Doesn’t seem like it.  Yet, a lot has happened and it seems like it’s been longer.
I have a lot to catch up on to tell you.  It’l be some nice and maybe not so pleasant Christmas reading.

Since my last post I’ve helped build and restore 4 houses.
I’ve had another scan and an MRI.  I will post more about those.
I’ve gone back to school, started volunteering ay Church and continued going to groups and art class.
And I’ve struggled.  A lot.

Right now things seem to be the hardest they’ve been yet I’m the closest I’ve been to kicking this thing.  It’s weird how stress works sometimes.
I’m struggling with meds.  That’s a big one.
My marriage is stressed.  That’s a big one too.

I just feel like I should be celebrating and yet I’m slipping into a hole.
I got pretty sick going to New Orleans and I haven’t fully recovered.  It makes daily tasks and life very difficult.

I think part of the reason I haven’t posted lately is I keep referring back to my last post.  It reminds me of everything I was feeling that day.  And I try to keep centered in it.
But THIS is the reality of cancer. It sucks.  Everything about it sucks and it’s hard to always be grateful and thankful and even happy.  It’s a constant weight that can consume you if you let it.  I’m not letting it, but boy is it a fight some days.

Today is particularly hard.  I don’t always know how to reach out and say that, but today I have to.  The walls feel like they’re coming down and I need help to keep them up.  I can’t do this alone.

I drew this picture in my art class…

photo copy 11

The “theme” of the day was “treatment”.  And this is how I was feeling that day.  And it’s how I’ve been feeling quite a bit lately.

I’ll be posting a lot in the next week at least.  I think it’s good for me to keep up posting too.  Keeps me centered and in touch.  So when you don’t hear from me?  Bug me.  It’s OK.  I need it sometimes.
I have a new text plan so I can get texts from everyone now.  Let me know if you need my number.  Otherwise, feel free to text away.

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