I think we have a winner

The following post may contain graphic details.
TMI filter is currently off.
Read at your own risk.

Well, I had my first colonoscopy today.   Whoo hooo!

For those of you who have never had one, it’s an interesting experience.  Let’s start with the prep, shall we?

Yesterday was prep day.  On Fat Tuesday. Or as I like to call it now, Scat Tuesday.  -yes, I totally went there. You were warned.
I started out the day by having an all liquid diet.  Apple juice, tea, water and this amazing homemade vegetable broth MJ prepared for me.  I didn’t have much of an appetite anyway so it wasn’t so bad.

At 6pm, I had to start “the prep”.
A few days ago I picked up the medication from the pharmacy.   I expected some pills or a small bottle of something.  I jumped back a little when the pharmacist plopped this giant gallon jug on the counter.

So my instructions for last night were to drink 8oz every 10 minutes.  Uh, OK?  I think I can do that.
I had been warned about the taste, but I didn’t find it that horrible.  They gave me a lemon packet to mix in so it had a salty lemon taste.
Got my first 3 glasses down and was in the middle of my fourth when something rather strange started happening in my body.  A gurgling and rumble like no other.  And what I was warned would happen started.  Explosiveness.
…Except from the wrong end.
I threw up, vomited, puked and hurled. I don’t think I’ve had that kind of display since my early 20’s.
Oh no!  I was worried I wouldn’t be able to have the procedure.  I looked it up quickly and it did say that happens sometimes and to just take a 30 min break and get back at it.
The rest of the night was miserable.  It really wouldn’t of been that bad had the nausea ever gone away.  It just stuck with me the rest of the night until I was sitting on the couch at midnight blubbering trying to Fear Factor my way through another 8oz.  mis. er. a. ble.
Things did eventually move in the direction they were supposed to though so I was happy it wasn’t all for naught.

Side note- for a hilarious prep story, check out this blog post:  A Colonoscopy & Hershey’s Kisses
Today was procedure day.  Or Ass Wednesday as I liked to call it.  -Yup, I went there too.  Come on, it’s kinda funny.

I was by far the youngest person in the GI waiting room.  I was a little grumpy from hunger and tired from the never ending prep.  I couldn’t help but look around at everyone in the waiting room and wonder what kind of night they had.  Did they throw up too?  Did they get pills or have to drink the stuff I did?  There were a few haggard faces that I think said a lot.

Once they took me back everything seemed to happen really quickly.  The nurses ask what I was in for with a tone like “hey kido, you’re too young to be getting this”.
Before I knew it I was on the gurney getting poked and hooked up to various things.  I felt like I was on ER.
There was a Filipino nurse who put my IV in.  She told me to make a fist and then jammed  the needle in the lower part of my hand near my wrist bone.  I flinched and she started scolding me in broken English about how I shouldn’t of done that and now it’s probably not going to work. Um, YOU JUST JAMMED A BIG NEEDLE IN MY HAND. Then she turned to the other nurse and ratted me out for flinching.  The nurse checked it and it was fine.  I think the other nurse was totally over the Filipino one.  I had to keep from chuckling.  I didn’t want to get busted for that too.

The doctor came in and introduced himself.  Very nice guy.  If you’ve never had a colonoscopy before, here’s what the room looks like:

This was pretty much my room except there was a big HD flat screen and my doc was an older white dude.  Wasn’t really smiling as much either.  Or maybe he was when he stuck the camera in?  I wouldn’t know.

The tattoos  – I went with a butterfly on the top of my butt, Spongebob on one cheek and green lantern on the other .I don’t think he appreciated them.  Maybe he thought they were real?  LOL  No one said anything about them. They at least made me laugh.

The drugs kick in really quickly.  I was mostly awake but pretty much out of it.  I do remember at one point looking over at the screen and watching them pinch and draw on something.  I could hear them talking but I don’t really remember what about.
After everything was done I was wheeled into recovery.
Still groggy the doc came in to show me the pictures he took and to explain they found a 5cm mass.  YAY!  I really hope this is it.  Well, I don’t WANT it, but I want to get treatment going.  I want to stop searching. He seemed to think this was the bad guy.

They took some biopses and we should hopefully find out for sure soon!  And just in time for colorectal cancer awareness month.  Do I have great timing or what?


4 thoughts on “I think we have a winner

  1. Heather,
    You are amazing! You are able to express so much of your experience so well & your sense of humor is great. Your ability to find humor throughout this situation will serve you well. Positive thinking enhances healing, no doubt about that. You are in our daily tboughts & prayers. We love you.
    David & Lisa

  2. Yup, they are memorable. I remember being in the waiting room and the nurses talking about some guy they had to send back home. Seems he thought a liquid diet meant he could have several milk shakes???? Needless to say, they couldn’t do the exam. I was told to mix my stuff with crystal light so it didn’t taste bad at all. It was so much fun I can’t wait for my next one in a few years. Thanks for the memories. Love your sense of humor.

  3. “Ass Wednesday”! I still can’t stop laughing and I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes. BTW……unless a good Merlot comes off easily, you owe me a new keyboard. 🙂

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