Lemonade and tequila shots

Yes, I’m OK.  Thanks those of you who checked in on me.  Just needed a couple of days to try and not talk about cancer.  My days were starting to get like this:
Wake up, oh yeah still probably have cancer, cancer, make kids breakfast, cancer, pack kids lunches, cancer cancer, try to make self as presentable as possible without getting out of pajamas to drop off kids, cancer cancer cancer, prod kids to keep moving so we aren’t late, cancer, break up fighting while brushing teeth, cancer cancer, wait in car while kids are still dawdling, cancer cancer cancer, take kids to school, cancer, drive back home, cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer, try to work on school, cancer cancer cancer, try to eat, cancer cancer, putz around on internet to try to distract myself, cancer cancer, try to eat more, cancer, try school again, cancer cancer cancer cancer, follow up on phone calls and e-mails, cancer cancer cancer cancer, try school one more time, cancer cancer cancer cancer, back to internet futzing, cancer cancer, start to get tired and try to stay awake, cancer, pick up kids from school most likely still in same pajamas, cancer cancer, try to stay alert and focused on drive home, cancer cancer cancer, try to keep kids from killing each other, cancer, try to eat more, cancer cancer, more e-mails, cancer cancer cancer, have dinner, cancer cancer, try to stay awake until at least 9pm. cancer.

cancer.

Part of this is because we STILL don’t know wat’s going on. It’s hard not to think about it when it’s this big cloud of doubt. The oncologist seems pretty certain it’s a liver metastasis but that’s about it.  And he can’t even say 100% about that. And were going on 3 weeks now.  He referred me for the biopsy on Monday and I didn’t get scheduled until today.  I won’t have it until Feb 9th and I’m guessing it will likely be another week before we hear anything from that.  While this might seem completely frustrating, I actually think this is a blessing.

Kaiser Permanente, the hospital system I’m currently in, is actually really good.  I’ve had no complaints up until this whole trying to figure out if I have cancer and what kind thing.  From what I’ve heard from people and what I’ve now researched, Kaiser is a great system for preventive care and maintenance.  Not so much for what’s going on with me right now. It just so happens that MJ’s open enrollment for insurance happens March 1st and we can switch at that time to another health system here that actually has a cancer center and many more options than where we currently are.
The fear I have in switching is that we’ll get caught in more testing delays.  I requested someone from their cancer center contact me to find out if this could cause a problem and further delay treatments I may need.  Hopefully it won’t.  And even if it does by a week or two, I still think this will be a better place for me to be in the long run. They have research departments as well as clinical trials.  Plus they offer hippie crunchy services like acupuncture and pet therapy!  SQUueeee!

Everything happens for a reason.  Thanks for dragging your feet, Kaiser.  You will likely be sending me to a way better facility.

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