This morning I felt great! I have for the last couple of days. I really feel like the diet is helping a lot in that. Slept pretty well the last couple of nights. And then it hits… out of the blue.
Fatigue. Slight headache. And then the pain.
*I’m going to pause for a moment and let you know that I will probably be talking about things here that may be difficult. I have no TMI filter right now. You’ve been warned.*
I’ve been struggling with constipation, which is a classic symptom. I figure the pain is related. But I also started spotting. Ugh. Not good. Broke into a sweat and was eventually doubled over in the bottom of the shower.
MJ came in to check on me and see if I wanted to go to urgent care. I didn’t see the sense in it. There’s one thing that’s a little relieving about my current condition. When stuff like that happens now, I don’t have to freak out and wonder if I have cancer. I already do!
I felt better after a little water therapy. Still a little fatigued. Since I had been tracking my periods closely for the last few months we remembered that it would be right about this time that I would be ovulating. Seems like they wanted to get that one last hurrah out before being gutted.
The thing that came to mind during this episode is that I know things are going to get much worse. I’m going to struggle and I’m a little scared of losing my fight in those moments.
The picture at the top of this blog is of a hongi. It’s a traditional Maori greeting. And now I will quote Wikipedia to explain the rest:
It is done by pressing one’s nose and forehead (at the same time) to another person at an encounter. In the hongi, the ha (or breath of life), is exchanged and intermingled. Through the exchange of this physical greeting, one is no longer considered manuhiri (visitor) but rather tangata whenua, one of the people of the land. For the remainder of one’s stay one is obliged to share in all the duties and responsibilities of the home people.
Many of us are great distances apart, but I’d like to ask that we virtually take part in this ritual. The duties and responsibilities I’m asking of all of you are to help me keep my fight. And when I am down and can’t find the corner, I will look for your breath of life and get back up to fight on.