Getting closer

Not a definite answer yet, but last night’s CT scan showed masses on my ovaries.  Still waiting on a blood test and will have an appointment with an oncologist gynecologist (Do they have a special name?) hopefully this week.  While I’m not excited about the prospect of having ovarian cancer, it does bring some relief in getting answers.

This news brings a lot of emotions.
Whatever happens from this point forward, one thing is certain (and the Dr agreed) is that I will not be able to have children.
At the end of last summer, MJ and I had started pursuing an addition to our family.  I had always wanted to have a child and felt like this would be a good time to start trying.  The funny thing in all of this is that I had gone to the Dr. in November to get everything checked out.  I had a ultrasound 2 years ago that showed I had fibroids and wanted to be sure that wasn’t going to be a problem.  I had all kinds of blood work done and tests and everything seemed to be OK.  The only thing they didn’t do was rescan my uterus because it has only been 2 years.  I never would’ve imagined all of this starting just a month later.
While I’m sad that I will never have a biological child, I’m grateful and thankful that I get to share in the lives of MJ’s kids and they will always have a place in my heart as my own.
And going through all of the stages of greif in one afternoon, I’m also angry.  I’m frustrated that I’ve had issues with this and we didn’t find anything until now.  I don’t fault anyone for it, but it’s just the emotions I need to work through.  It’s a lot to not only find out that you won’t be able to have a child but that you now may have a disease that could kill you.  And at the very least make you incredibly sick.

I’m a little down with this news, but I’m not giving in.  There are still more tests to be done and questions to be answered.  One day at a time.

I will keep everyone updated as news comes in.  I so appreciate all of your support and love.

So start practicing those poses, warriors.  Looks like we likely have a fight on our hands!


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