It’s just mean

It’s just mean

Telling someone that they “likely” have cancer and then make them wait 4 or 5 days for the next step is quite cruel.  I am extremely grateful that I have great health care and local expert services, but I’m still human.  I still have a wondering mind and as positive as I’m trying to remain it will still wonder “there”.
When I’m feeling OK it’s all good, of course.  No problem. Let’s go do some errands.  Get stuff done, make the day go by faster.  But when the yuk starts kicking in it’s a little more difficult.  It’s the subtle reminder that there’s something wrong. Something that could be quite seriously wrong.  But what is it?  And if it really is cancer, GET IT OUT OF ME!  And all of that is a little to much to have bouncing around in your brain while your pushing the cart around Costco.  I felt like a crazy person today.  Trying to stay focus but looking around at people wondering if they ever had cancer and if this isn’t then what’s making me so sick and why are pears so expensive here?

This picture is of the Porter T stop in Boston, MA.  I used to take the train to work and there were many days that this was my exact view as I sat and waited.  I’m reminded of this place because somedays I would have to wait awhile and I would get very impatient cause I needed to get to work.  What I didn’t always do was have a look around.  It’s actually a unique station.  I wouldn’t call it beautiful, but interesting.  And sometimes, there would be others waiting with me who were fun to talk to.
I’m ready to get to work, but I have a couple more days in the station.  I’ll try and make the best of it.

After we ran errands today we met up with some wonderful friends, cooked dinner together, watched an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race and a documentary,  It was everything I needed to put my bouncing brain back into place.  It also made me tired enough to crash out when we got home.
I’m not sure why I’m up at this hour.  I woke up at 5:30 and couldn’t sleep.  Not because I’m anxious or anything.  I feel quite good right now.  I’m just up.  Hopefully I can get a few more winks in before church.


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